no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
