you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
