The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I still have a little drunk in my system
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
