Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
