It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
