He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
