Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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