Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
