he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
