So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
