The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
