Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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