all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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