Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
not ubering you a puppy
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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