i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
