Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
look no pants
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
