i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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