Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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