did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
