there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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