There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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