Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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