Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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