wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
