Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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