Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
