I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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