My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
