He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
