feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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