I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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