I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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