I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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