Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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