I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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