Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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