He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
