I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
