I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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