people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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