I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Bring me that man meat
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
