It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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