I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
