You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
