Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
