got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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