Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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