My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
