This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
