Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
