Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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