I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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