Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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