I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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