Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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