No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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