I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
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